They don't see the crying attacks before I leave the house. The late assignments because I've been sitting, lethargic on my bed. The panic that I have when my boyfriend leaves the bed at night even for 5 minutes.
The strongest I have felt since September is when I was watching the backlit interview I did for the Brunswickan. I was speaking about my sexual assault, and my voice was my own. I didn't hesitate, and I ended on a positive note. I even laughed.
(You can find that video here: http://thebruns.ca/2015/10/31/sexual-assault-at-unb-special-report/)
People have been telling me I'm so brave to come forward and talk about it. They tell me I'm strong to decide that I want to report my attacker. That I'm badass for wanting to be more than just that moment.
I have not felt like myself since I finally confronted the fact that I was raped. But I have never felt more like the woman that I aspire to be, when I speak about treating others with kindness and respect.
If that is the only positive takeaway that I have from this entire life experience, that is enough.
